Dearest Husband,

I love you. I want a family, a home and a future with you, but I have identified my bottom line. It is a line that must never again be crossed. I want a healthy relationship with you. The relationship we have now is far from a healthy one.

You are responsible for your drinking. I cannot control this aspect of your life. I have accepted that. You will do as you please. It hurts me when you drink, but I will be strong. What I will no longer accept is certain things that stem from this drinking.

First, I expect you to still be a part of this family. I understand that you provide for our family financially, but we are lacking in the emotional support. You need to be here and not be angry with us. We have done nothing to deserve this anger. It is rooted elsewhere and if you feel the need to be angry, I prefer you direct it to what you are really angry with.

Second, you have the right to be depressed. I understand that we are not where you want us all to be. You are under pressure and that is okay. You have a painful past. You can be depressed if you feel you need to be, but do not pull me in any longer. I will not help you beat yourself up. I will not agree that our life is falling apart. We are not where we wanted to be, but there is so much good surrounding us. I will not be depressed for you. I will not participate in this negativity.

I do love you. I married you because I wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I still want that, but there must be change. These are my terms. I love you too much to help you hurt yourself.

Ireland

These are the words I want to have the courage to say. I am not at that point of strength yet, but I'm getting closer. I cannot work on him. I can only do my own work (and I have a lot of it to do).