I no longer feel a sense of disappointment when the drinking consumes him. I feel annoyance. I have decided to allow him to deal with what is his, but regretfully I am here and it affects me too. I live in no man's land. There is nowhere to go to feel free. Today there is a storm. The roads are slick and dangerous. All I want is to feel free.

How can I escape? How do I get free, at least in my mind? The negativity and self-loathing consumes me. I am exhausted. I listen to the words of this sick person and I am left feeling sick also. I do not like these feelings, this murkiness in my throat and stomach. It is something a thousand showers cannot wash away.

I want to be cleansed. I want to be free.